Terror Strikes Again
3:12 p.m. - Wednesday, Mar. 09, 2005
Terror Strikes Again!
I must have sucker written all over my forehead. When I was at my Friday night AA meeting I was asked if I would speak at the following week�s meeting. And being a good little programmed AA�er who�s been taught that you must never, ever say no to an AA request, I said, well I said yes.
Now my first speaking experience was a breeze. It flowed, flowed, flowed. I basked in the glow. Which is not what we�re supposed to do. It�s not about your own personal ego, it�s about reaching out to and helping other alcoholics. What? You mean I�m not the center of the known universe? I never got that memo.
My second time speaking I tanked. I was away from the comfort and safety of my regular group, in a whole other town. I was cocky from the first speaking engagement so I spent no time preparing. I could feel it getting away from me. I was nervous and I spoke much faster than I should have in a vain attempt to just have it be over with. No one was laughing where I expected laughter. No one was groaning where I expected groans. It was a humbling experience. Just what God ordered up for me and my little ego.
So this Friday night I have lined myself up for more punishment. What the fuck am I thinking? I�ll tell you what I�m thinking. I�m thinking that if one little thing that I have to say about my experience, strength and hope gives something needed to another alcoholic, all the humiliation in the world is worth it.
Now if you�ll excuse me, I have to go work on my speech.
Listening to: dog nails clicking on the floor
Smelling: vanilla scented perfume
Reading: stephen woodworth through violet eyes
Mood: apprehensive
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